Etiquette

Etiquette ~

The forms required by good breeding or prescribed by authority or direction to be displayed, observed, and implemented in social or public life. Observance and acknowledgment of a structure which produces identifications of rank, status, hierarchy, requiring expressions of conventional behavior decorum as prescribed by strict rules and customs relating to the differences within the behavior based upon the relationship of the individual to those of other ranks and statuses.

The rules of accepted formal etiquette standards are complex. When approaching issues of etiquette within a sub-society such as BDSM, it becomes perhaps more important to understand the existing basics of general etiquette and manners first.

Manners can be viewed as the desire to please or express a generosity of self and spirit blended seamlessly with common sense, practicality, and knowledge, which aids us in our actions toward others. Manners (etiquette) essentially emerge from a desire to express thought and care toward others, and service to others. We use etiquette and manners to celebrate traditions, reinforce rituals, highlight ceremonies, eliminate friction, and add balance or neutrality by expressing the fundamental belief that the rights, traditions, and beliefs of others will be held in esteem and be considered of value regardless of or perhaps because of the differences between those beliefs held by others and the beliefs held by the self.

The inability to embrace these forms of social flexibility can create atmospheres of anger, disapproval, conflict, hatred, and even warfare or other expressions of violence and assault. Etiquette was developed as a means of bridging differences to reach a place of communication where the beginnings of understanding become possible. As our world inevitably shrinks, people are beginning to communicate across borders, countries, customs, traditions, and religions in increasing numbers. An international 'workplace' is no longer an unusual workplace. The Internet has created a vast border crossing that allows each cyber visitor to communicate with human beings from all walks of life, creeds, cultures, racial and ethnic backgrounds, and social and sexual diversities. The role of etiquette and manners has not 'declined' with these advancements, but has become perhaps even more crucial. Each individual has the unique right to determine, based on their 'actions,' how they will present themselves on the world stage. Each can elect to comport themselves with dignity and grace, or can choose to display conduct unbecoming by expressing the fear and hatreds common to their personal upbringing.

Some people would like to remove the 'rules of etiquette' from existence in today's societies. There has always been a suggestion that 'etiquette' is taught by the wealthy, for the wealthy, that it is of no direct value to people who are not wealthy, and may in fact be detrimental to people, in that actions of etiquette can be perceived to be elitist, snobbish, or 'putting on airs'. Etiquette is not often recognized as a simple tool of behavior and personal management of actions. Control of behavior and management of action are two of the basic fundamentals of leadership. In historical terms, it is unquestionably true that leadership (of countries) has often emerged from the wealthiest of society. However, the skills of leadership are not 'inherent' skills but can be taught and learned successfully by almost anyone. It is important to remember that not everyone desires to be successful or the leader of a company or large group of people, but almost everybody does desire to be successful, competent, and able to lead their small sphere, and especially their family, into a healthy, happy, and successful future. By embracing the basics of behavior structure, management of outbursts is expanded, and flexibility in adapting to new and different situations is enhanced, producing more competent and able offspring and a more productive and successful life.

Learning the basic forms of etiquette begins by obtaining a comprehensive book on etiquette. I do suggest Emily Post and often encourage 'open readings' of passages from within the book as a discipline technique for infractions involving behavior acting out for set periods of time. In this way, the individual is actively learning a new skill, which may tend to aid that individual in solving underlying issues that manifest as behavior problems throughout their lives. In addition, as a dominant, I have found that 'listening' to such readings is often humorous and personally enlightening. Reading and 'hearing' involve different processes within the mind; such 'readings' inevitably teach me something new or add a layer of insight or consideration that perhaps I may have ignored or forgotten about.

It is interesting to note that some of the more 'famous' finishing schools in Europe are said to have emerged from 'Academies of Discipline'. These houses were purported to be 'schools' teaching the intricacies of interrogation when such skills were used by reigning royal families to elicit information out of unwilling persons. When the practices of torture receded, the families who ran these Academies appear to have adapted to more modern times into what we call today 'finishing' schools, which include instruction on how to manage countries, companies, and within the home environment, servants effectively and properly.

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