Print this page
D/s
Deliverance/slavery
Where do you draw the line? What dark recesses drive the perversions of the obscure?
Do you remember what you have heard? Rumors and whispers of people subjecting themselves to torture, whippings, spankings, humiliation, bondage, and even more bizarre acts.
Hello. This isn't D/s. D/s is far simpler, requires no accouterments, no implements, no fancy gear or elaborate justifications. D/s is very, very simple. When a man looks down into the eyes of a woman and within him surges the desire to possess, to own, to control, to protect, he is expressing Domination. When a woman looks up into the eyes of this man and within her surges the desire to be held, coveted, desired, possessed, owned, controlled, and protected, she is expressing submission. Ah ha, you say. But, isn't that sort of everyone?
Indeed. D/s traits are universal to some degree in all humans. It is an underlying biological reproduction mutation. An encouragement for survival. So why the whips and chains? Aren't they D/s?
To clarify, Domination and submission (D/s) are distinct from Bondage and Discipline or Sadism and Masochism. While all people can display D/s dynamics, these differ from the practices often associated with B/D or S/M. The natural balance between dominance and submission helps relationships function, as cooperation and complementary roles are fundamental to human connection.
So let us address what D/s people term the vanilla life. Vanilla essentially means humans who live without strong D/s responses. D/s are vivid. Strongly passionate. Overtly sexual. Vanilla is less so, more pastel or Vanilla. They tend more toward the middle of the road, sex once a week on Tuesdays. (though that may be an unfair generalization).
Essentially, all humans are D/s. However, the lifestyle known as D/s houses and shelters those humans whose inherent nature is far stronger. Most doms and subs will collectively tell you that they have tried many times to live in a conventional lifestyle. Often for many, many years as part of a marriage. All acknowledge deep yearnings for more. A stronger response from their partner, more attention. They have emerged into a knowledge and acceptance of desires within them that are abhorrent to the way they have been raised. Eventually, they go seeking someone who can address these long-contained needs.
So, to the meat of the puzzle. What is it?
The application of pain. Even saying it sends millions of people off into the corner screaming abuse! Well, abuse exists. And, a lot of it. D/s people are not domestic abusers. They do not need to abuse their partner. Ahhh. Say What???
I intertwine my arms around my man's neck, look up into his eyes, and ask him or even beg him to spank me. His arms tighten about my waist, a loving grin in his eyes, and he replies, perhaps. Every single aspect of a relationship is important. The respect, the disrespect, the elevation, and the reduction. I know that when he focuses his attention lovingly upon me, uses his hands or a paddle, flogger, or whip against my skin, that it will hurt, will burn, will alter, will arouse me. It excites the most primal side of my nature. Allowing me the freedom to respond with sharp cries, wanton desires, and pure raw passion. He sets me free.
So, to be very simple here. Pain enhances arousal. Pain and pleasure share the same nerve endings in the human body; they send messages to the brain on the same conduit. Within some people, those lines blur - pain and pleasure are the same! These are the people who live within the lifestyle called D/s.
I feel the laughter bubbling inside her, the way her eyes dance when she looks up at me. Her attention is like the sun surrounding me, enveloping me. She freely offers me the gift of herself. I know that I cannot shame her, damage her, or embarrass her. She has left behind the cloistered chastening words of her upbringing. Instead, she offers to love me, to give me the gift of touching her with that side of myself that I must forever hold tightly contained. The beast within. I have held the beast back, denied it. Felt only shallow, distant emotions and feelings for those I told I loved. Then I met her. She offered the beast the gift of freedom. For only with her permission do I exist, and I am free. Between us, when I express control of her, it is by mutual consent. And the pain? When I touch her, gently bringing her to an edge, I see and smell the musk of her arousal; there is a sense of rightness, deliverance. Freedom. When she peaks, I peak. My desire grows with hers. So, what about discipline?
This brings a smile. D/s extends. Bondage and discipline are often practiced by long-term real-life Dominants and submissives. It is a natural extension of a healthy D/s relationship. However, I know several couples quite well who find it more pleasurable to enjoy each other unencumbered. They prefer hand spankings, physical domination in bed (the man literally pinning the woman). They find the hardware unnatural and unnecessary. Then again, they are the minority here. Most D/s people love to experiment. The Dominant men enjoy expressing their dominance in more dramatic ways. The very idea of tying up a woman and flogging her is mentally erotic and very stimulating. The submissive women often create, make, design, and tell their Dominant what they would like to try out. Yes. They like bondage, collars, and commands. Perhaps you could consider it a role they love and need to experience. They want to be reduced (with love), played with, and used. Uh oh. Sounds like a slut.
Were you told good girls don't . . . Of course. Women are told to deny their natural eroticism. To be erotic is to be nothing more than a slut. So, for a woman to get past all that conditioning, it really helps if she is tied up and can't help herself. So, the man ties her up and viola she becomes a wanton slut. (very big grin) This is a simplistic view of an experience that does not really have anything to do with sex. Sort of. It has to do with reproduction - and that is sex, but the best Dom I ever met was a Vietnam Vet who came back without legs and was functionally unable to perform. Yet, he was a Dom through and through. And, greatly adored by his submissive wife.
It is within the demonstration of control, the exchanging of the gift, that the Dominant and the submissive truly come into their own. It may be a simple glance, a soft whisper in her ear. A momentary pause in their mundane life. An acknowledgment of love and attention. Perhaps she just happens to leave a tiny flogger inside his briefcase and a note that the evening is open. This is a willful desire, choice, and pleasure between them. It exists because both agree it exists. If either ceases to participate, it ceases to exist.
This is D/s. Oh, one more thing for you beginners. All submissives dominate from the bottom.
This web page is owned by F.R.R. Mallory - also known as Mistress Steel, including
all content and logos. This webpage has been redesigned to be easy to read. The
information on this page is designed to inform and entertain; it is not meant to offer
professional or legal advice. The content of this webpage may be excerpted from
Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and
Consensual, Dangerous Choices, or other books by F.R.R. Mallory; all the content is
copyright-protected under United States and International Copyright Law. Please
click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books
and others by F.R.R. Mallory.
For limited release, re-posting, web-sharing information regarding any of the articles
on this website, or to sign up for the Steel-Door Newsletter direct mailing, please
email SteelBfl@sonic.net.
long text
Archivist Note: Email links (steeibtrfl@aol.com, steelbfl@sonic.net) are no longer valid and have been omitted from this archive. The bookstore link was for a heritage site that is no longer active and has been omitted from this archive. OP's works were not found on the successor live site. Also, the discussion group on Yahoo Groups is no longer available and was not found on archive.org.
To purchase books by the OP, please search your preferred bookseller by title or by the OP's noms de plume: "Mistress Steel" and "F.R.R. Mallory".
Retrieved April 2026 from https://web.archive.org/web/20120127132416/http://www.steel-door.com/Deliverance.html.
Also found May 2026 with text variants https://web.archive.org/web/20010210210939/http://www.steel-door.com/Deliverance.html