As part of our work to spread the word about sadomasochism, we will begin to address the rules of s/m and, above all, the rules that are not written anywhere, but that all s/m fans know or should know.

Sadomasochism is a game. Just as chess or Parcheesi have rules, s/m also has its rules. If we don't respect the rules of chess, we'll be playing any game but chess. The same is true of sadomasochism. If the rules of s/m are not respected, we're playing anything but true sadomasochism.

Why does society consider s/m a perversion? There are many reasons, but the main one is that they don't know the rules of s/m and believe that s/m is something very different from what it really is. When people hear the word sadomasochism, they think of excruciating torture, rape of women, whipping until marks and deep scars are left, and pain that is even life-threatening.

The sad thing is that the rules of sadomasochism aren't written down anywhere. We s/m fans learn them one by one as we delve into sadomasochism. Society can't learn them anywhere because they aren't written down anywhere.

For this reason, we began this article about the rules practiced in s/m. On the one hand, if someone new to s/m philosophy reads these paragraphs, they will discover that s/m is less evil than it appears and that it's much less perverted than they initially thought.

On the other hand, we'll list the rules of s/m so that those new to s/m don't have to go to the trouble of discovering them, and also—why not?—to remind all those who have forgotten them and strayed from true sadomasochism. Often, due to ignorance or forgetfulness of these rules, one falls on the "other side," and the other side is nothing other than perversion, the wrong path, and misery.

"SADOMASOCHISM IS A CONSENSUAL GAME"

It is indeed a game. A game in which two people participate voluntarily. One person plays at dominating, and the other plays at being dominated. Both people, in addition to doing so voluntarily, do so by mutual agreement and consensually (under consensus). These people will not do anything that the other party does not want to do. To achieve this, limits are established; limits that under no circumstances may be crossed.

"S/M IS BASED ON LIMITS"

Just as other games require a time limit or a condition that cannot be exceeded, S/M also has limits. Limits are supplementary rules that each person imposes on the game, a basic condition for playing that game. Limits serve to determine how far the game can go.

Examples of limits are: "There may be no penetration," "You may not leave visible marks that take more than an hour to disappear," "You may not tie me up," "You may spank me but only with your bare hand," "You may only humiliate me psychologically."

Obviously, there are no established limits. What one person may not like may delight another. Each person sets their limits at the beginning of the game, and those limits may not resemble the limits set by another couple who also practice sadomasochism.

The only boundaries everyone respects are not causing any permanent physical harm, not leaving any unacceptable permanent scars, and not forgetting to respect the other person.

"S/M IS A GAME OF ABSOLUTE RESPECT"

Respect for the other person is fundamental. If we respect them as human beings, we guarantee that we will not do anything against their human rights. We can pretend or pretend to treat someone as a slave if we really respect them, since we don't really treat them as a slave; we're just pretending to.

Within the S/M game, this respect for human rights assures the dominated party that a game is being played. As soon as the slave says enough, the master stops because the slave no longer wishes to continue playing. If this respect didn't exist, the master would continue treating the slave as a slave, forcing them into unwanted slavery and violating their right to freedom. On the other hand, we must respect the other party's ideas, boundaries, and ways of thinking. This respect must be mutual.

"THE SLAVE IS FREE AT ALL TIMES"

It may seem contradictory that the slave is free at all times, when appearances indicate the opposite. A slave appears to be mistreated, abused, and humiliated against his will. This is not true. If a slave is abused, abused, and humiliated, it is because he desires to be abused, desires to be abused, and desires to feel humiliated.

Let's remember that the slave plays at being a slave. The slave is the one who forges his own chains. The Master simply applies the chains that the slave has forged for himself. Within an s/m session, the slave, no matter how enslaved he may appear, is completely free.

He has freedom because no one has forced him to do anything. He himself has chosen to have this done to him, and the Master simply does it, but always leaving the slave free to mark the end of the game.

"S/M IS SIMILAR TO A THEATRICAL PERFORMANCE"

Sadomasochism has a lot in common with theater. In a theater, one person can pretend to be Romeo and another can pretend to be Juliet. In sadomasochism, one person pretends to be the Master and another person pretends to be the slave, acting as such until the performance or the game ends.

Many times, things are not what they seem, as happens in theater. In theater, the fantasy of the audience is played with, and in s/m, the fantasy of the participants is played with. We all know that an actor cannot be the true "Don Juan Tenorio." In sadomasochism, a Master is not a true Master, nor is a slave a true slave.

What happens is that, as in any theatrical performance, a story is lived and simulated until the story ends. In s/m, a slave is simulated as being mistreated by his master, and both men play their part until the story ends.

A very common fantasy within s/m is the rape of a slave. According to this representation, the slave is roughly raped by one or more unscrupulous men who do whatever they want with her and subject her to horrific physical and mental abuse. Does such rape exist? No, never. What happens is that the woman has agreed to pretend to be raped, and the men pretend to rape her, but they know at all times that she consents to this rape. They don't rape her either, since a woman who wants to be raped cannot be raped. This is simply a representation of "raped woman and rapists."

Another very common fantasy is that of the disobedient girl who deserves punishment. The man represents that his little girl has misbehaved, and he pulls down her panties, puts her over his knee, and spanks her bottom. She represents that she has been naughty, that she fears punishment, and that she tries to resist. As everyone can understand, the man is usually the "little girl's" husband, and the "little girl" can be fifty years old. Where is the father and where is the rebellious little girl? Only in the imagination of that man and his wife. He represents being a father who punishes his daughter, and she represents being the rebellious little girl who deserves punishment.

"S/M IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS”

Perhaps the most shocking aspect of this case is that in S/M, nothing is what it seems. The raped woman is not being raped, the slave belongs to no one, the pain is not real pain but pleasure, and people simulate feelings they don't have. This is because, as we said before, S/M is largely fantasy and theatrical.

An observer unfamiliar with S/M will draw erroneous conclusions from what they see because they cannot recognize or distinguish fantasy from reality. We may believe that a poor woman is being cruelly whipped when the truth is that she is enjoying herself immensely and is not feeling pain but pleasure and pure pleasure.

The master may appear to be a vile and despicable being whipping a human being, and when the game is over, he may be one of those who couldn't hurt a fly. The slave may pretend to be suffering terribly when in reality, what she really wants is for the master not to stop the punishment. This is s/m: in most cases, things are not what they seem.

"THE SLAVE IS NEVER IN DANGER"

It may seem like the slave could be in danger, but if the Master knows what he's doing, the slave is in no greater danger than he would be in playing a game of tute. This is because the Master is experienced enough to know which blows to give and which not, how hard to use, and in the most appropriate places.

The slave is only in danger when he's in the hands of an inexperienced Master who isn't sufficiently familiar with s/m techniques. And anyone who doesn't know the techniques shouldn't engage in sadomasochism, as they are violating the slave's right to physical integrity and are not respecting him.

The Master who knows what he's doing can cause pain without leaving any marks, can whip without leaving any scars, and his slave ends the session in the same physical state he began it.

"IN S/M, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A STEP OF THE TRACK"

A child, before running, must learn to walk. The same thing happens in S/M. Before getting into hardcore S/M, you must learn how to do light S/M. Each task should only be undertaken once you've read a lot about the subject and are aware of all the dangers that can arise.

Anyone who doesn't do this is an unconscious person who doesn't know what they're getting into. This unconscious person has no respect for their slave because it exposes them to unnecessary dangers. Therefore, our advice to those venturing into this world for the first time is to tread carefully and go as slowly as possible.

Once you're confident, you can go a little further, but only a little, and so on. It's like climbing a mountain. No one can climb it in one go; you need to rest, find the best paths, and climb it little by little. Those of us who practice S/M gradually increase our knowledge. We put into practice the techniques that other fans explain to us and ask for help when we don't know how to do something or what dangers we should avoid.

S/M requires a lot of study. And it's not easy to study because there's no textbook that explains everything. We have to search through a hundred thousand magazines, read a thousand books, and chat with a ton of fans to even begin to understand enough about a subject to begin to consider ourselves "experts."

Throughout the journey, one feels a bit like an archaeologist making discoveries after hours and hours of hard work.

"S/M ISN'T ALWAYS PAINFUL"

Contrary to popular belief, sadomasochism doesn't necessarily involve painful play. There are two types of S/M: "painful S/M" and "non-painful S/M." In fact, when people first start out in S/M, they mostly practice non-painful games, occasionally dabbling in painful S/M.

Many S/M practices aren't painful, or if they are, they're only mildly painful, such as humiliation games, humiliation, forced exhibitionism, bondage games, etc. On the other hand, there are scales.

A spanking can be almost a caress or very painful. Most S/M fans tend to practice S/M at mild pain levels, never reaching unbearable pain.

"WE ARE NOT WEIRDOES"

Most s/m fans tend to think they're the only ones who enjoy this type of practice, that they're a little crazy, and that they're weirdos. Anyone who thinks that can start getting that idea out of their heads because there are many, many, many s/m fans.

We seem very few because very few dare to express their passion in public, but the truth is that there are a great many of us. Proof of this is that s/m magazines are published in every country, books related to s/m are published in every country, and everyone knows what s/m practices are (even if they don't have a very clear idea of ​​the reality).

If there were no fans, it's logical to think that magazines and books wouldn't be published, nor would people even know about the existence of s/m games. The same thing happens with movies, with more or less veiled scenes of s/m, etc. It's shocking that many couples sometimes engage in s/m games without having a very clear idea of ​​what it's all about.

Millions of couples have played at some point, tying each other up, handcuffing each other, spanking each other's asses, or pinching each other, etc. When the movie "Basic Instinct" was released, many women tried things like going out without panties under their dresses or tying their husbands to the bedposts. The vast majority of these couples engaged in s/m games without knowing it, precisely because of the mistaken belief that S/M has to be painful.

Therefore, it's a good idea to get rid of the idea that we're "freaks." There are hundreds, thousands, and perhaps millions of s/m fans around us, to a greater or lesser extent. Anything that crosses our minds has probably been thought of before by someone else and put into practice in their lovemaking.

A "freak" is rare from the moment they are unique. When they are not unique, they automatically cease to be rare. And in s/m, we are not alone, as there are fans in every country on the planet.

"TRUE S/M IS NOT PERVERSION"

Prestigious psychologists and psychiatrists from all over the world have agreed that S/M does not have to be a perversion. The vast majority consider it a sexual game or a sexual alternative as valid as any other. Perversion only appears when it ceases to be a consensual game and someone is forced or obligated to do something against their will. If people voluntarily engage in it, S/M is not perversion.

Perverts are those who practice fake S/M and force people to do things they don't want to do. True S/M is just the opposite, since no one forces anyone to do anything against the other person's will. Nor is there perversion when S/M doesn't become an obsession. The vast majority of people only spend occasional moments playing S/M games, knowing that these games last for a while, and then they have to return to real life, work, family, etc.

A pervert would be someone who is constantly obsessed with s/m, practicing it at all hours of the day and seeking out people to practice it with every second. As long as we don't become that obsessed, we can't consider ourselves perverts, because we realize that it's just a game that only lasts as long as the game itself.

Up to this point, I've listed some of the rules of the S/M game. There are many more rules and many more things to say. We'd love for people to participate and, in turn, list the rules they consider basic to s/m. If we all participate, we won't leave anything out, and it will be easier to remember.

We also welcome all kinds of opinions and counter-opinions that help us all clarify and address any doubts or gaps that may have remained in this first part. Send your letters to Esencia, and together we'll get to the truth about what "true sadomasochism" is, and perhaps in the process, raise awareness in the society around us that s/m isn't a bad thing at all.

From original site "BDSM Canarias" [BDSM Canary Islands] article “LAS REGLAS NO ESCRITAS DEL S/M" [THE UNWRITTEN RULES OF S/M] URL http://www.bdsmcanarias.es/textos/LAS_REGLAS_NO_ESCRITAS.htm

End Note: Identification of a previous source or author was not found on the site’s pages.