Protecting Love

Protecting Love

A very wise submissive wrote to me today to ask me to write about an unusual topic. She wrote, "How do I protect my Master from charges of abuse or wrongful death if I should die, there are marks on my body, which there generally are? I am older, I could easily have a heart attack..."

What real protections do we have?

One of the most serious issues faced by members of this community is how the activities of members of this community are seen by the outer society, which governs the laws we live under and with. We are not 'seen' as a community. Most of society is unaware of our existence. Those who are aware of us see or peek into our community through primarily pornographic windows. They see surface perversions, mental aberrations, bizarre sexual practices, fetishes, and rituals. We appear to live in dark, dirty alleys and corners, shadow people with broken lives, nonexistent morals, disassociated from society and family. To be shunned, ignored, penalized, and disposed of. Societal garbage! As a community, we have made almost no efforts to unify and identify ourselves as a distinct and viable alternative lifestyle, even though there is now evidence to suggest that our community is potentially the fastest-growing alternative lifestyle choice in America today.

As the gay community has actively demonstrated, legal rights are not given easily to those who live in alternative relationship arrangements to the norm. Creating legal protections for the rights of all often requires decades of dedication and hard work. It takes a unification of effort, a willingness on the part of the community to step out of the shadows and state that they exist! The very beginning of that labor lies in the education of mainstream society itself.

One of the greatest lessons of the gay activism movement was its development of and recognition of pride within themselves and their community. Self-respect.

You either believe your chosen lifestyle is right or wrong. If you decide that your lifestyle is not profane but a viable lifestyle alternative, then there comes a point where you must exit personal shame or guilt for your belief in it. A moment where you express pride in your choices, pride in those you express those choices with.

The majority of society cannot conceive of the possibility of consensual enslavement and voluntary domination or even physical torture. We are now reaching a point where any directed physical contact can be seen to be physical abuse punishable to the fullest extent of the law. Punishment for abuse is often actively sought out by members of this community, as a vast majority of the people living within this lifestyle are intimately familiar with abuse in all of its forms. Identification of what is abuse and what is a voluntary and loving lifestyle choice is where the law's understanding falls apart. Creating the activism necessary to address these issues on the wider public stage is, in my opinion, still years ahead of us. Producing clear non-pornographic D/s and BDSM informational material and exposing that material to as many people as possible is probably our first real step in educating society as to who we are, what we do, and why.

So, how can a submissive protect their Dominant today?

I am not a legal expert, and in any case, the law varies from one area to another. However, I would suggest consulting a legal expert in your immediate area and asking them for suggestions. I would consider creating a videotape, made hopefully in the presence of other family members, such as parents and siblings, to whom your lifestyle choice is known. Express your lifestyle choice as an articulate, reasoned, sane human being who happens to love and express love in this way with their chosen mate. Compose a letter to be included with the videotape with your Last Will and Testament (consider having your attorney witness your signing of this) to address who you are, how you have chosen to live your life, the choices you have made with your lifestyle partner, your issues and fears related to the legal ramifications of that choice should your death occur suddenly and unexpectedly with marks from play being found upon you.

Lastly. Consider the first best choice. Play without bruises. Many submissives enjoy the 'trophies' of their encounters with their Dominants in-scene. However, intense play can occur with very little bruising of the tissues. Without marks, there is little to note. Risk of potential abuse accusations is reduced, and you simply protect your Dominant. Also, be loving and joyous with your partner. This may sound funny, but... most abuse occurs in situations of domestic violence, arguments, fights, and conflict. Law enforcement looks for the signs of domestic abuse when investigating unusual or suggestive deaths.

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