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Identity
Sometimes it feels like we have an overwhelming need for labels. Everything should nicely fit as if the world or the universe is a gigantic jigsaw puzzle, and everything has its place if we look hard enough. The lack of a label or classification makes us nervous. There is a longing to fit in, to find that perfect place where everything will make sense and we can belong at last. We tend to believe that such a place is external to us, maybe existing inside other people. We look for that acceptance, and in the search for belonging, we uneasily take on the descriptions that someone else informs us we are.
The existence of labels tends to make us feel more comfortable. More in control. If I know 'what' you are, then somehow I can 'manage' you inside my mind. You become an it, a totally understandable something. Compartmentalized, homogenized, categorized, and invisible!
None of us is perfect! None of us is the sum of just the traits or characteristics that get that oh-so-important label stuck on us. When we accept a label, an external identity, we are acknowledging only part of who we truly are. All labels fail. Any label can only describe a broad category at best. The limitations of placing too much weight or importance on the label cannot be ignored. To be whole as a person, we need to acknowledge and accept all of our traits, characteristics, and sides. The existence of all of our quirks is what makes us unique, different, beautiful, and strong. At some point, it becomes important to let go of the desire to fit 'into' any role, label, or identity. The only true label that fits is that of a human being. At any given moment in our lives, we manifest some combination of everything within us.
Some believe 'different' traits should be eliminated. Differences bring unpredictability, making control and management harder. Labels help manage chaos; naming something makes it seem less frightening and more manageable.
In broad terms or labels, the identity of Dominant and submissive can be considered useful. As personal identities, the need to utilize such a label can be harmful and misleading. Most often, the individual will note where a 'majority' of their feelings or attributes tend to place them within the sphere of a given label. This leaves a minority yet viable percentage of the individual unaddressed. In addition, people like to 'harden' labels. Forced fit. If the individual admits to any variation in the 'acceptable' label, then they are not admitted into the club. Again, the individual is made to feel outside or unacceptable.
A person created the labels. It was an expression of their individual viewpoint. People are relieved that the label exists and race to join. That original label, created by or for a unique individual, becomes a box which others try to emulate or become, not truly understanding that there is nothing to become but you.
D/s embraces the full spectrum of humanity: all colors, orientations, sexualities, genders, desires, and persuasions. There is no single ideal model everyone should seek, nor is any interpretation less valid than another. Enjoying pain or needing humiliation is not a requirement; nor must anyone deny any part of themselves to belong. Our fulfillment is found in our diversity. Authenticity and individuality are our greatest strengths—be willing to defiantly resist imposed labels if that is your truth. The open expression of individual truths strengthens both you and our community. If our uniqueness unsettles or resists containment, that discomfort belongs to those who would seek to restrict us. Accepting others’ labels is submitting to their control, not our own truth.
Know that how you express your Domination or submission will be unlike any other human being. You will do it as you do it. Becoming comfortable and accepting of yourself is when you will find your personal strength and internal peace.
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