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Abusers Among Us
It is fundamentally true that within the BDSM community are physical, emotional, and mental abusers. The numbers appear to be fairly small, but tracking or identifying these abusers within this community is very hard. When their mask does fall away enough for others to identify them, it is often too late for the subs they have victimized. Within this community, open and freely exchanged communication is essential. Those who limit or attempt to limit this communication or attempt to isolate their subs from contact with others should be heavily scrutinized. If the Dominant cannot trust their sub with open, clear information, then either they are controlling the flow of information to direct or pervert that sub's understanding, or their self-esteem is so low that they cannot allow anything which conflicts with what they say to enter into it. This indicates a closed mind. The protection of ugly secrets is dangerous and damaging. If a person attempts to hide something, it generally means they have something to hide.
Members of this community are far more vulnerable to being accused of abuse than any other minority community. Because of that, the community tends to talk about abuse and consent a lot. The line between BDSM and abuse is consent. Misrepresentation, deceit, failure to be honest in any form to attract, lure, or seduce someone into a controlled position simply to proceed with no interest or regard for that individual's consent is abuse. Finding and identifying abusers and policing our community is our job. Within the BDSM community, networks exist. People gossip, share information, and warn each other. What we do is dangerous, illegal, and unacceptable to society. This does not mean we are people without good instincts, morality, or strong ethical character. Tolerance of nonconsensual play is 0%. If you or anyone you know is in a nonconsensual situation, it is important to understand that this is not D/s. If you are a submissive and someone injures you. Tell the other sub's or dominants in your area. Prevent this predator from victimizing again and again.
The best line of defense is communication. Isolation is one of the primary tools used by an abuser. A good Dominant will encourage the external life of their submissive, desiring for that submissive to remain well-rounded, with interests, hobbies, a career, etc. If a person is causing you physical, mental, or spiritual harm, then they are not acting as a positive force in your life. If the results of your activities leave you injured, feeling subhuman, or afraid and detached from your beliefs... get help!
Many of the people within this community are abuse survivors. They have NO desire to be re-victimized. When a person identifying themselves as a dominant uses language such as 'my victims,' they are expressing something that can be felt to be an abusive trigger. We do not make 'victims' of our submissives. To consider a submissive as discardable, a throwaway, incidental, and unimportant are huge clues that something is very wrong with that person. We are sensitive to language, and we do weed out and find these predators. They have no welcome mat here.
For those of you reading this who may be an abuser: Eventually, we will see you. If you came to this community looking for easy sex with the freedom to hit, humiliate, and destroy, we will find you, we will learn, and we will know. As a community, we are judged by the least of us. To tolerate you inside our community lowers all of us to your standard, and that is intolerable.
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