Polygamy

D/s Polygamous Relationships

Polygamy is a marriage or relationship in which a spouse of either sex may have more than one mate at the same time.

Polygamy in the above-stated form is illegal in America. Multiple partner relationships are unrecognized in legal terms and offer those participating in them none of the benefits that are commonplace in a traditional relationship or marriage.

Multiple partner relationships are problematic at best. The addition of a third party into a relationship multiplies the issues and problems manyfold. However, these relationships do exist and can be operable, and even loving and successful. That success depends almost entirely on the clear, clean, and open desire of all involved to work extremely hard to address and meet the needs of every partner involved.

Some Dominants like to believe they can impose a third party upon a preexisting relationship and that the relative status or role that they play as 'Dominant' is sufficient to 'force' this non-voluntary coupling to work. In actuality, a Dominant taking such an action is demonstrating a potential failure to remain consistent and steadfast to any preexisting oaths, promises, and agreements formed with their spouse or preexisting relationship partner. Forced consent through threat of 'fear of loss' cannot be considered viable consent, but instead involuntary consent extorted under extreme mental pressure or duress. This 'floating' ability to adhere to their given word, oath, or promise will instantly erode their fundamental trustworthiness or believability with their preexisting spouse and others. With trust and belief being essential within a D/s relationship, this type of choice or decision almost guarantees the subsequent failure of fundamental trust and respect and the eventual demise of the initial relationship altogether.

Relationships constantly evolve and change. Many people entering the D/s lifestyle go through a long period of renewed desire to interact with new people, both on a play level and on intimate or sexual levels. Some people who enter or find this lifestyle while they are in a conventional marriage status elect to hide all indications of their interest from family, friends, and community. In this case, the external relationships are not truly polygamous since they do not 'live with' their new partners but merely 'visit' the relationships for momentary involvement or exchanges.

Some people discover this lifestyle and make no attempt to hide or shield this knowledge from their spouse. Often, they make a genuine attempt to involve or interest their spouse in their new adventures and try to explore and grow 'together' in order to 'save' their existing relationship. These 'joint' explorations often lead to subsequent relations with one or more partners, most often on a part-time basis, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

If a decision is made to bring a permanent partner into the relationship, then several immediate concerns must be met and addressed. One of the most crucial of these is status or the stability of existing worth or value. The preexisting relationship should remain the core or primary relationship. If the introduction of a secondary submissive usurps the role of the spouse, then the spouse will feel diminishment, humiliation, personal shame, and reduction, often leading to severe unhappiness, discomfort, and the eventual severing of the primary relationship ties.

Countries and communities that approve of polygamous marriages have built in or strict delineations of internal ranking within the marriage itself. Often this translates into rank identification within the marriages attached to clearly defined labels such as 'First Wife'. Secondary wives or mates are identified as 'secondary or Second Wife,' and their rank is indeed 'secondary' or beta to the First Wife. This ranking is not determined by the Dominants 'favor but by community-based custom. These customs emerged after thousands of years of experience and should not be casually ignored by those desiring to engage in polygamous full-time relationships. These rankings bring with them clearly defined internal roles, duties, and obligations. The 'secondary' mate must serve the needs and interests of both the First Wife and the Dominant. A sexual concubine's second' has none of the express rights and privileges of a 'wife' and is considered even lower in status than a second wife (this role will not be explored here). Explorations of how to structure a polygamous or multi-partner relationship should begin well in advance of any attempt to create or sustain one. Interested persons should look toward informational texts supplied by those in long-term polygamous communities for further information and details. (Such as: Mormons or some Islamic cultures)

It is the Dominant's total and complete responsibility to provide for the continued well-being and care of those with whom they engage in relationships. The imposition of a third party into an existing marriage without the rigorous maintenance of the mental health of the existing spouse is in direct violation of the role a Dominant accepts by assuming the position of dominance within that relationship. Introduction of a younger and possibly more physically attractive competitor into a relationship cannot be forced with any expectation of happiness for the primary spouse. This can be exacerbated further if the Dominant is more 'taken' by the 'new' submissive and elects to show that new person more attention and support than their long-term preexisting spouse. This becomes a form of cruelty and mental torture, not the actions of an honorable Dominant.

A Dominant who ignores these types of customary internal ranking structures when a preexisting marriage or relationship is affected is almost guaranteeing the destruction of the primary relationship.

Some of the more successful D/s polygamous relationships originate from the submissives 'bringing in' personal friends with whom they have already formed emotional ties. In this case, the submissive may view the new submissive as a 'sister' or partner to share duties as well as pleasures with. These relationships also tend to maintain status structure, with each submissive clearly understanding their role not only as it relates to the Dominant but especially as it relates to any and all other submissives within the relationship. In this case, the 'first' is generally called the Alpha Submissive, the 'second' is generally called the Beta Submissive. The Beta is almost always submissive first to the Alpha Submissive and, in many cases, considers both the Alpha and the Dominant to be Dominant to them.

A Dominant desiring to form or live in a full-time polygamous D/s relationship should always remember that there must be absolutely no favoritism regarding rules and duties, and that their decisions must be just, based on what is good for the entire relationship and not the needs of any individual over and above another. Any variation in this 'clear or blind justice' will be instantly felt and resented, and may cause disrespect, conflict, and the unhappiness of all involved.

If any children are involved as part of this 'family', the problems and issues magnify and become even more difficult. Serious consideration about all of these issues should be given before any decisions are made, which can so easily destroy the lives of others.

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Retrieved April 2026 https://web.archive.org/web/20120111074145/http://www.steel-door.com/polygamy.htm.
Also found May 2026 https://web.archive.org/web/20010413064232/http://www.steel-door.com/polygamy.htm.