Desensitizing

Desensitizing

Does frequent scening or the ongoing interaction of a full D/s relationship desensitize the submissive?

Discussion of a submissive's 'level' often centers on physical pain endurance, with many viewing the ability to withstand greater pain as a mark of superiority. This can foster an elitist attitude, evident when submissives display serious bruises as trophies. Such 'trophy hunting' and its self-abusive elements concern me, as I consider them unhealthy. To address this issue, it is crucial to carefully examine the underlying desires of both the submissive and the Dominant when seeking to extend the pain threshold.

Part of the experience of S/m is pain. The infliction of and the receipt of pain. However, for most people, the desired experience is not merely to feel or give pain. Pain is generally a tool used to create sensations and experiences that may be 'only' accessed through using pain. I will focus this article on those people who 'use' pain to achieve a desired effect. When a submissive first enters the lifestyle, everything is new. While they may have been exposed to relationships that included violence, non-consensual infliction of pain is a completely different experience from D/s. So, everything is new. In many cases, the submissive desires to return to a simpler time, a time and place where the rules were straightforward, not fluid and shifting from day to day. In addition, there are underlying desires to be 'captured', 'taken', 'used'. Often, the mind views these fantasies as an escape from the limitations of proper society. A place where the individual, in being 'bound,' is set free from responsibility and able to be fully themselves. This suggests that what they consider to be their true self is at odds with the dictates of 'normal' society.

As they begin to explore this new world, they may discover a growing desire to experience pain, bondage, torture, etc. All of these things are forms of mental release. However, every individual is unique. What they can or may be able to process is different. In the heightened focus on 'this' aspect of D/s, there is pressure for a submissive to be able to 'take a lot of pain'.

From my perspective as a Dominant, there is no 'correct level' or even 'desired level'. The aspect that triggers me internally is creating and directing action which elicits the response 'I' desire. I do not derive personal pleasure from the infliction of sensation for its own sake. I derive pleasure from the submissive's reactions or responses. When the relationship is new, the response I might be looking for may take only a minimal amount of action or sensation to achieve. Often, since everything is so new, the submissive will reach that 'place' quickly. Over time, as both partners grow accustomed to each other and as the submissive becomes 'used' to certain types of sensation occurring frequently, they learn to process that information differently. Then, in order for the Dominant to achieve their desired reaction, they must alter the action or intensify it.

This is not consistently true, however. It is important for the Dominant to actively seek out what the underlying 'mental trigger' is inside the submissive. If a submissive is triggered by a desire to 'serve', not by 'application of pain', then their ability to process pain information will always remain somewhat constant. A Dominant pressing such a submissive may mentally injure that submissive by implying that they are not 'good enough' in some way for not processing pain in a manner the Dominant believes is required. For a 'serving' submissive, they can generally process a certain amount of stimulation comfortably and will attempt to 'please' their Dominant by allowing this application to themselves. They will not ever need or desire serious or heavy scening in the 'pain infliction arena'. A Dominant should not try to convert or 'force' such a submissive, but instead look for the 'type' of submissive who parallels their interests from the beginning.

Pressing a submissive's limits around their trigger can intensify their pleasure, and enriching each other’s lives is central to this dynamic. Submissives who respond to pain may become desensitized to lighter play, requiring varied stimulation to elicit reactions—a process known as ‘playing a submissive’s edges.’ Dominants must recognize that a submissive’s capacity fluctuates, with endurance changing day by day. After an intense scene, a submissive may need time to recuperate and may react unpredictably. It may take several weeks to return to prior levels, but often, the threshold is slightly elevated once they do.

I find that frequent scening, even daily scening, tends to extend the initial limits or range of the submissive. However, it is my opinion that a significant part of this effect is a result of increasing trust as much as of desensitization on the part of the submissive. Often, a submissive 'desires' to go further. As they develop trust, they relax more and more into the direction of their Dominant. That trust/relaxation allows them to reach further within themselves.

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