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Married Dominants
Question? - What is your thinking on married Dommes and married submissives - each with vanilla and different spouses?
I must address this question from several different viewpoints:
My personal viewpoint: In my life, I have found that to reach the heights which truly thrill me in S/m, I must have constant access to my partner. I also find S/m enormously sexual, for the side of me that it summons is very much within the heart of my own sexuality. For that reason, I seek only full-time long-term relationships. That precludes the presence of any other person in the attachment. Also, I am quite territorial by nature and will not allow the presence of random females in my man's life. I should also note here that S/m can be a bond much more intense than marriage.
Outside viewpoint: It is my considered opinion that many people who are married in their mid-life (primarily) find dissatisfaction with their chosen mate. They continue to love that person but seek the interactions of others. I believe that if this is the case, the marital partners should be clearly and openly addressed so that any play connection does not serve to destroy the lives of others. I believe that the majority of people hide their secret lives and lead a dual life created in the heart of deceit. By doing this, they cheat everyone. If they are truly unhappy in their relationship yet stay for reasons of comfort, money, or security, then they extend that unhappiness to anyone who may invest feelings in them from the outside. If, however, they are in a loving relationship yet feel a strong need for say spanking but nothing else, and they have discussed this with their wife in detail and she has admitted an unwillingness or inability to address this need... Then, a Domme may play a role in that relationship much the same as any other detached professional, such as a doctor.
This would preclude an invested relationship between the Domme and the sub. Would leave it more on a detached, emotionless, non-sexual level. Again, within my life experience, I have assisted many married male subs, but I required that I personally attain the consent from their spouse and that they experience this openly so that no deceit was present. Sometimes I have encouraged my wife to be present, and I have successfully taught several women to tap into their natural dominant side enough to begin to interact with their happy spouse on that level.
I suppose this means that I instinctively do not believe or trust someone who can and will violate a sacred oath (marriage vow). Trust is absolutely necessity in any valid D/s S/m relationship. The capacity to lie or express selfish deceit is a trait I personally will avoid. It negates my real-life needs.
The Professional Domme:
Many professional Dommes are married. Often, they marry Dominant men or Masters to allow them to experience reverse roles in an otherwise enormously top-heavy life. Pro Dom's are business people. The men (mostly married) who come to see them pay high fees for the privilege of experiencing personal domination without the interaction of open intercourse with a Dominant Female. These Pro Doms offer a service that these men can find no other clean, safe outlet for. These married men have no desire for a direct relationship (24/7), very much desiring to retain the integrity of their spouse and children. Based on these clear rules, I have no problem with Domme and sub/male being married.
I will also note here that there is a loose statistic which I am currently tracking down the source of, that projects there to be perhaps 3,500 male subs per active female Domme in the U.S. For those that disparage the ProDom out of hand, consider the statistical odds of locating a non-pro Domme, with the physical characteristics you (the sub male) find attractive, coupled to the type of play she prefers (looking for parallels), and a lifestyle or mundane life that can meet or merge with yours.
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